Category Archives: Humorists

George Carlin

“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.” Only you, George. could come up with such a “profound” thought. I miss you.

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Crazy Shit (no offense intended)

“Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible like that.” Merely one of the many [many] wonders of being a member of the ya-ya-sisterhood!

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Bill Cosby

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” [Oh, AMEN to that, Bill!]

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Paula Poundstone

“My neighbors have had a jackhammer going for so long, they couldn’t possibly be doing construction. I think they just use it recreationally.” [Paula is so incredibly and hysterically funny, I consider her to be one of the greatest comediennes … Continue reading

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[Classic] Dave Barry

“I have male friends whose daughters are approaching puberty at speeds upwards of 700 miles per hour; and when you say the word ‘dating,’ my friends get a look in their eyes that makes Charles Manson look like Captain Kangaroo.” … Continue reading

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George Burns

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family…in another city.”

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From the Incomparable George Carlin

“POPULAR BELIEFS: Everything comes in threes. Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three ‘ones’ come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that … Continue reading

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Quotes from OLD AGE AIN’T NO PLACE FOR SISSIES…

“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” (Satchel Paige) “I am a man still in process.” (Billy Graham) “If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.” (Abraham Sutzkever) “‘Don’t … Continue reading

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George Carlin (from “The Best of Brain Droppings”)

“PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE PHASED OUT: . Guys who always harmonize the last few notes of ‘Happy Birthday.’ . Guys who wink when they’re kidding. . Men who propose marriage on the giant TV screen at a sports stadium. . … Continue reading

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