[Classic] Dave Barry

“It is important to have a sensible, long-term eating regimen and realistic dietary goals. I myself was on a sensible long-term eating regimen until nearly 10:30 this morning, when I finally achieved my dietary goal of locating where my wife put the box of Cheez-Its. These are my favorite snack crackers because they contain ‘riboflavin’ and have a radioactive orange color that makes them easy to locate in the dark. Plus they are good for your heart: Like every other product now sold in the United States, including Drano, they come in a package marked ‘Low Cholesterol.’ Heart care is a top priority with me, so I ate the whole box (serves twenty).”

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About shacoyo

Quasi-retired, freelance copyeditor. Web site: www.redline-editing.com
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