Road sign: “DONT’T DRINK AND DRIVE” – Caption under picture: “Don’t drink and make road signs.”
Bus sign: “DO NOT OPEN…GLASS WILL BRAKE” – Caption under picture: “If the bus brakes, the glass brakes as well.”
Road sign: “BLIND DRIVERS CORNER ONLY” – Caption under picture: “Blind drivers, corner slowly. Drivers who can see, corner at full speed.”
Gate signs: “PLEASE PARK OUT SIDE” and “CLOSED THE GATE…” – Caption under picture: “The gate is closed, people. Closed.”
Gate sign: “CAR PARK VALETING” – Caption under picture: “So the cars park themselves?”
Event sign: “KIDS WITH GAS EAT FREE” – Caption under picture: “Kids without gas have to sit in the car.”
Airport sign: “ALL INTERNATIONAL PASSENGERS WITH LUGGAGE INCLUDING CANADA MUST BE CHECKED IN AT TICKET COUNTER BY AGENT.” – Caption under picture: “Canada cannot fit in a suitcase.”
( ~ Delusions of Grammar, The Worst of the Worst by Sharon Eliza Nichols )
“My test of a good novel is dreading to begin the last chapter.”
( ~ Thomas Helm )
“Please don’t pick these area for our commercial production. Thank you for your couperation… [Huh?]
This Restroom is equipted with a diaper changing station.
FRESH CRAP $8.99/LB.
DO NOT KNOCK THE DOOR ! ! ! !
SOMETIMES YOUR THE DOG, SOMETIMES YOUR THE HYDRANT.
( ~ Sharon Eliza Nichols, Delusions of Grammar: The Worst of the Worst )
“Cheap Bargin’s for All You’re Need’s.
Business.s Open As Usual.
Their All for Sell.
Road Closed Ahead on Sided Road.
All Alone You Protect the Forest Fire.
Public Speaking Cancled.
Cheesecake Make People Happy.
Stollen dog! Please help!
This door is now alarmed. Use only in case of any emergency.”
(As taken from DELUSIONS OF GRAMMAR – THE WORST OF THE WORST by Sharon Eliza Nichols)
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”
…is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours — it is an amazing journey — and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”
( ~ Love, Sex, Intelligence )
“Laugh like you’re 10. Party like you’re 20. Travel like you’re 30. Think like you’re 40. Advise like you’re 50. Care like you’re 60. Love like you’re 70.”
( ~ Nekter Juice Bar )
“That moment when you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives as though you didn’t just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback.” ( ~ Smoky Mountain Christian )
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to [eliminate] hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
“Don’t worry about those who talk behind your back; they’re behind you for a reason.”
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”
“People who judge you by your past don’t belong in your present.”