shacoyo

Quotefalls

shacoyo — Sat, 26 May 2012 18:16:12 +0000

“When one word leads to another, it generally ends up in a quarrel, a speech, or a dictionary.”

Classic Dave Barry…(can’t resist sharing this one)…

shacoyo — Sun, 20 May 2012 23:22:57 +0000

“If you have any questions whatsoever about the legality of a particular tax maneuver, you should call the special Toll-Free IRS Taxpayer Assistance Hotline Telephone Number in your area and listen to the busy signal until you feel you have a better understanding of the situation.”

(Unfortunately, this definitely applies to the DMV and Social Security Administration offices as well, Dave.)

Quotefalls

shacoyo — Tue, 01 May 2012 20:35:07 +0000

“Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together.”

[Classic] Dave Barry (#1,293,819)

shacoyo — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 17:27:45 +0000

Since I am a huge rhubarb fan, MUST share this one:

“Rhubarb, a hardy vegetable, was a favorite of my mother’s. Every year, she would produce an elaborate rhubarb pie, which was second only to Brussels sprouts in the category of things we kids would rather die than eat.* Rhubarb is ideal for canning. You just put it in the cans, stick the cans in your pantry, then move.”

(*Amen!)

[Classic] Dave Barry (be prepared to see a lot of ‘em cuz “he’s” the calendar I picked for my desk this year)

shacoyo — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 22:35:56 +0000

“At St. Stephens Episcopal Church in Armonk, New York, at Easter, each person was issued a potted hyacinth, and we’d sing a song that had a lot of ‘alleluias’ in it, and every time we’d get to one, we’d all hoist our pots over our heads. This is the truth. Remember it next time somebody tells you Episcopalians never really get loose.”

Blessings to you all on this beautiful Easter day…

[Classic] Dave Barry (there are 3 of ‘em cuz I couldn’t decide which was the funniest…what do you think?)…

shacoyo — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 17:31:47 +0000

(1) “Going bald is a perfectly natural part of the aging process, like having all your teeth rot and fall out. There is no reason to be self-conscious about it and assume that your coworkers are always staring at the top of your head and snickering behind your back. Sometimes they actually laugh out loud.”

(2) “Don’t listen to those Negative Nellies who tell you there aren’t any good jobs anymore just because the steel, automobile, shoe, clothing, railroad, and agricultural industries have all collapsed!”

(3) “A ‘sommelier’ is a wine steward, the dignified person who comes up to you at expensive restaurants, hands you the wine list and says, ‘Excellent choice, sir,’ when you point to French writing that, translated, says, ‘Sales tax included.’”

Thought for the day: “READING IS SEXY”

shacoyo — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 02:13:05 +0000

Daughter Michelle gave me this [bumper] sticker several weeks ago. Since I didn’t want to actually adhere it to the bumper of my car, she suggested it might make a good bookmark…which is how I use it…and it makes me smile every time I read it.

Just wanted to share the words and the thought because if you are as avid a reader as I am, reading IS [very, very] sexy indeed!

Thanks again, Michelle. xo

[Classic] Dave Barry

shacoyo — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 21:22:51 +0000

“During the 1998 Olympics in Japan, at the Zenjoki Temple in Nagano, there were quite a few people buying charms and trinkets that were supposed to bring good luck or predict the future. I bought a future-predicting charm for 300 yen ([then] one yen is equal to $11.50, at least for the purposes of my expense report). The way it worked was, you reached into one of five bins, depending on your blood type, and you pulled out a charm that told your fortune. My charm was a little golden rake, but I didn’t understand my fortune because it was written in Japanese. I’m guessing it means either ‘Great Prosperity’ or ‘Death by Gardening Implement’.”

[Classic] Dave Barry

shacoyo — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 01:43:47 +0000

“AT THE SINGLES BAR, WHAT THE WOMAN SHOULD DO IF SHE IS NOT INTERESTED: If subtlety doesn’t work, [and] if the man turns out to be the type who views himself as such an extreme Stud Muffin that he cannot imagine a woman who would not want to conceive a child via him, then the woman should take a more direct approach, such as Mace.”

[Classic} Dave Barry

shacoyo — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 23:36:09 +0000

“The exhaust system is located under your car, smeared with roadkill. From time to time you should hose it down or drive briskly through a wading pool.”